Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Dick very happy bro
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
