I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
All I want is dick and wine.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize