There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
