I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
