Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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