apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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