Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
