Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
