the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
She bit a glass in half.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
