You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
did i just pee glitter
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
last night I used snow as a chaser
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
