So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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