I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
