i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
