imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize