I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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