sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
