We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
