It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
