I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize