I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
