After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
