Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
