We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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