Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Is this like a preordered booty call?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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