i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
