Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
he thought i was a dude.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize