I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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