I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize
