And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
