He disabled his match.com account in front of me
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
