And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
