tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
