i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
