Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
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