Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
