you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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