I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
