she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
