At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
