yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
