i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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