Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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