I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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