hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
