If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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