I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize