Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
