Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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