Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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