yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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