oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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