Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
