he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
