There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
