He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
