Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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