Someone shit on the floor
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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