Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
