I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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