Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Randomize
