at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i dont even know how to be here
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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