I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
