Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
