Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
