just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I just found a bag of teeth...
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
