Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
