Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
