K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
