I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
