I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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