Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
