He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
