this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
