I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
