i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Randomize
