College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize