your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
just tell him i said nine months
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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