I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
