Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
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