i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
