Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
