why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
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