I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
