Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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