I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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