I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
