remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
