A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
