i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
