went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
