Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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