Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
