after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I need to sanitize my soul.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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