You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
