my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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