we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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