I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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