NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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