dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Drake has all the answers
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
