Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
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